Simplicity in Hospitality

Have you ever noticed how the more simplified your life is, the more willing you are to show hospitality to others? It isn't that you were unwilling to show hospitality before but now that your life is finding a calmer rhythm, you feel more relaxed at the idea of showing hospitality.

I have often struggled with the concept of hospitality. Even though my parents always had an "open door" policy with neighbors and others who stopped by, when I became an adult, I struggled with it. I am very shy & reserved by nature. While I do well in forums such as the yahoo groups or homesteading forums I participate in, when it comes to actually meeting someone face to face, I struggle greatly with my own feelings of shyness. Luckily, I am blessed with a husband who is quite the social butterfly to my wallflower. Being with him, I have been learning to step out of my comfort zone and be more open to others. Inviting people to our home has always been hard. I could probably find more excuses not to have a guest in our home that anyone you have met.

As we have been simplifying our lives, I have begun to notice a change in myself. When the idea of inviting someone to our home comes to mind, I don't have the usual sick feeling in the pit of my stomach reaction. It is as though the calmer our lives become, the more peace I feel about inviting people to our home.

Our home is small. When you start adding all of the "stuff", both the necessary and the frivolous, the house quickly gets that cluttered appearance that makes me feel uncomfortable. I have been around people in the past who judge you greatly on appearances. If you don't dress a certain way, or your home is not of a certain value, they judge you as not worthy of their time. Then there are those who would look at a home with clutter caused by a lack of storage and see a house that is unkempt, even though the house is clean. One family I grew up with actually has the attitude that if children's toys are out on the floor during the day then the mother is lazy in her housekeeping. They take no consideration for the fact that the children are awake and playing with the toys. Growing up and living as an adult among people who are openly judging you in nearly every aspect of your life has left it's mark on me. For years, I saw each new person that I met as a potential new "judge" who would look at my life and condemn me for anything they thought was beneath their standards or ideals. It has only been in the past few years, during my time with Joe, that I have begun to feel like everyone isn't out to judge me.

Back to the simplicity part of the topic, I am finding that the less cluttered my home is, the less cluttered I feel that my life is. I have time to take a breath and enjoy the moments. I have a more structured life and find that I thrive on that. I take joy in doing things the old way. So much of the things that we have in our lives, whether it be possessions or activities, are cluttering to our life. While some of these are essential and make our lives easier, others bog us down and cause stress.

When we feel the stress of the various types of clutter in our life, we are less likely to feel hospitable to others. Inviting someone into our home can become a burden instead of a blessing. Instead of looking forward to the visit and enjoying it, we worry about all the preparations and other details that normally wouldn't have bothered us. I find that for me, I need the simplicity to be able to feel the joy and peace in being hospitable. Scaling back on the possessions so that I have less clutter to make the home appear unkempt to others, makes it easier for me to maintain the home.

Joe and I have set up a 6 month rule in our home. With the exception of tools and seasonal clothing or items, anything in our home that is not needed within 6 months will be given away or recycled in some way. This is making a huge difference in our home. We have sold, given away to families, and donated to charities several trailer loads of things that had been stored in our home and out buildings. So far, there is not one thing that we have given away that we have regretted. Our lives are becoming more simple and plain, yet through the scaling back on possessions, we are finding more time to do things as a family.

This fall, I am taking a huge leap in my hospitality fears. I am planning a get-together with other families in our state who share similar interests with our family. I think is shocked Joe when I asked his opinion of the idea. He loved it though.

Maybe there is hope for me yet in this area of my life.

Hospitality in our Homes

In a gentler time, hospitality was a common practice. It was considered rude to not extend an invitation to your home or to treat a visitor to your home as a honored guest. The gift of hospitality is something that has been lost in many homes. I wonder, does it really need to be that way? Can we teach our children or maybe even ourselves how to extend hospitality with a grace that makes the visitor feel as though their visit is an important part of your day?

I am ashamed of the times in the years past when I did not offer the kind of hospitality to others that I should have. It is something that I find myself having to work on. Welcoming people into your home is not always an easy thing. We are so caught up in our own busy days, taking care of the tasks at hand, that we don't stop to think of inviting someone to our home to just sit and chat. Maybe our home is not kept at a "company ready" state where we would feel comfortable having someone just drop by unannounced. Some people are very private and don't like others stopping by and are much happier being left to themselves. Whatever the reason, these obstacles can be overcome with work on our part.

One of my favorite memories from my childhood was of the times I spent at my Grandmother's home. Each summer, I would spend a portion of the time off from school at her home. It was during these visits that she taught me many things about cooking and hosptiality. Grandma loved to have people visit. It did not matter if the visits were planned or unannounced, she was always prepared for them and accepted the guests with grace. Another influence on me at that time was our next door neighbor. She was a retired school teacher and quite elderly. She lived alone, so our family would check on her each day. Many times, my little sister or I would spend the night at her house on the weekends so that she wasn't always alone at night. She was another gentle woman who accepted inpromptu visits with grace. On the days that I would stay at her home, she would have an afternoon tea. We would make tea and have some little sandwiches or other treat. It was a time that we could sit down, relax and take a break from our activities of the day.

Showing hospitality doesn't mean that we have to set out a "high tea" each time a friend visits. We can easily sit at the table or comfortable chairs and have a cool drink on a warm summer day or maybe have that cup of tea or coffee. Hospitality has a great deal to do with our attitude. Do we welcome visitors with genuine feelings of being happy to see them or do we put on the good show and just go through the motions, glancing at the clock & thinking of all that we feel we should be doing? When someone comes to your door to visit, they are taking time out of their day and making the visit a priority. Do we feel in ourselves any appreciation for the fact that they made that visit a priority in their busy day?

Hospitality shouldn't be limited only to visitors to our home. When our husband returns home from work, do we show hospitality to him? Do we treat him in a way that makes him look forward to coming home each night? When he talks to us about his day, do we really listen to him or are we dividing our attention between him and a TV program or some other distraction? If an infamous person that you had respect and admiration for came into the home, how would you treat them? Would they get only a portion of your attention when they spoke or would you be focusing your attention on what they had to say? Would you gladly get them something to drink and maybe a treat of some kind to enjoy? Likely, you would drop everything and make certain that they were treated with respect, dignity, and a high level of hospitality. Knowing that we would be willing to do this for a stranger, why is it that we tend to make excuses or stiffen our backs when it comes to doing these things for our husband?

I have had it said that a woman who shows this level of hospitality to her husband is seen by some individuals as being subservient to her husband. Nothing is further from the truth! When we show hospitality to our husband, showing him that what he has to say is very important to us and that we are appreciative of the work he does to support the family, he will feel valued by us. He will gain a confidence in the fact that home is a place where he can come and know that he will be treated with respect and courtesy. He will find the home to be a haven and a calm place apart from the stresses of the world outside the home. One of the blessings that comes from treating your husband with such hospitality is that he will treat you with the same level of respect. It is true that if your treat your husband like a king, he will treat you as his queen. Sometimes it takes longer for some to treat their wife in this way, but eventually it can happen.

Hospitality isn't always easy. Some people seem to have the trait so much a part of them that it has become second nature for them. Others have to work harder at it. It does not matter who they are showing hospitality towards. I have a difficult time with it myself. I can show hospitality to my husband, but I am a very private person and unless I know someone well, I have a difficult time inviting people to our home. In my case, I have recognised that it is out of fear of being judged. I am much more conservative now than I used to be. There are those who knew me before who are against the changes that I have made. I am working on it though. It is definitely a step out of my comfort zone!

I find that as I take those steps towards showing hospitality to others more often, it is getting easier. Having a husband who is a "social butterfly" to my "wall flower" make it alot more achievable. Over time, I am beginning to feel more peace with the whole idea of hospitality. I have a long way to go yet. By and by, I will get there.

Circle Letters

Growing up, before the age of home computers and easy access to emails, I used to love going to the mailbox and finding a letter from a pen pal or friend. I often saved those letters to read over and over, especially those written by people who did not often send mail. I remember my Grandma saying how she enjoyed getting phone calls from friends and family, but she loved the cards and letters so much more. The older I get, the more I miss those trips to the mailbox.

I am very blessed. I found a couple of groups of women with similar faith/beliefs as ours that also enjoy the pen pal & circle letter writing. I have been a part of these groups for a couple of years now and enjoy it very much. Sometimes the circle letters are a "general chat" type of topic where we simply write about the going-ons in our homes, sometimes they have a specific topic that we discuss in our letters.

A circle letter (aka round robin) is a letter exchange where a topic is assigned and the ladies sign up if they choose to participate. The person organizing teh circle letter writes down everyone's name & address and sends the information along with her letter introducing the topic. The letter is sent to the next person on the list. Each participant recieves the packet of letters in turn, reading the enclosed letters and adding one of their own before sending the packet on to the next person. The last person on the list sends the pakcet to the person who started the circle letter. This packet of letters will make it's circle rounds as many times as the participants want to participate in. Each time they receive the packet, they read the enclosed letters, remove their old letter & add a new one.

There is a wonderful book called "The Amish Circle Quilt" that is based on a circle letter that a group of Amish women sent among their group. Each time they sent the packet of letters, each woman would include a quilt block pattern that represented something that happened in they or their famiy's lives the week that she received the circle letter. The book is a wonderful read. It gives you a glimpse into the daily lives of these Amish women.

In a time when technology has become so common place in our lives, it is a joy to take the time to get out the pen and paper and write a letter. Receiving the letters are a blessing also. Take a moment and write a little note in a card or a letter and surprise someone in your life with it in their mailbox. It will brighten their day.

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