A Woman's Heart

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man should have
to first seek Him to find her." - author unknown

That saying is one of my favorites. I found it years ago and still find
it to be as profound as I did back then. I am thinking of embroidering
it to hang on my wall and as a future gift for Little Miss.

The message of that saying is convicting to me. It is a constant
reminder that it is our responsibility to seek out the Lord first.
After my divorce from my first husband, I had no intention of ever
getting into a relationship again. That relationship damaged me in a
way that is hard to talk about even after all these years. My patient
Beloved even had to ease me into the idea of being told "I love you"
because I had no trust in the words. They were always a tool of torment
in my past. I have always believed that it was the Lord who led mine
and Beloved's relationship. I trusted no man. In my experience over
the years since my first dating relationship at age 16, had taught me
that men were deceivers who would say anything to get you to trust
them. Once they gained your trust, they would use your emotions against
you and their true nature would come out, often in some form of
controlling or abusive behavior. For that reason, at age 40, I decided
to spend the remainder of my life alone. The Lord, however, had other
plans and hadn't given up on me.

When I first was going through the divorce, I also separated myself from
the religion that we were members of. The church leaders had sanctioned
behaviors that were not those of someone who follows Biblical teaching.
The term the church used was "unrighteous dominion" as a label for this
behavior. The leadership of the church spoke out against it, but the
local leader of the congregation ignored the behavior and chastised me
for saying anything about it. At that point, I felt the need to leave
the church as well. I had been in that church for 26 years, from the
time I was a teenager. I felt deceived and damaged. I still believed
that there was a Higher Power who was in control, but I had to take a
step back form organized religion completely.

I turn into a more Native American belief system. In that lifestyle you
are taught to see the creation of God in all life around you. It was
that lifestyle that started my process of returning to the Lord. Sounds
strange, huh? I guess it is. You see, after being left feeling damaged
by organized religion, I had to step back completely and find the Lord
in my own way. Without the dictates of someone's interpretation of what
the scriptures say or the legalistic attitudes. In my heart, I felt
that the Lord isn't that complicated or demanding. I began seeking Him
out in my own way. I prayed often and tried to see His hand in all that
was around me. This was a part of the foundations of learning to trust
in what God was again.

By the time I met Joe, I was already on the path back to the Lord. I
still had no trust in Christians, but I was learning to have faith and
trust in the Lord. In truth, I think that is how it is supposed to be.
Even if you are trusting a very strong follower of Christ, you cannot
allow your faith to be in that person more than it is in the Lord.
Eventually, you will see human nature come out in that person that will
have the ability to make you question your faith. All people, Christian
or not, will say or do something that can shake your faith in them. The
Lord, however, is worthy of our faith and never fails us. He may allow
us to go through experiences in our life that make us wonder why He is
allowing it, but He always has a plan for our life.

In finding that truth and in seeking out a peace in the Lord, I found
much more. Joe came along into my life and against my own plans at that
time, we began getting to know each other. The fact that he is very
open about his faith should have had me running away like a scalded
cat. It was the Lord's grace that kept me willing to get to know Joe.
I began learning more from Joe about his beliefs after we were team
driving for the trucking company. We spent many hours with one of us
reading the Bible to the other and talking about what we were learning.
Faith in the Lord was critical to me. Not just for me personally, but
if Joe and I were going to have a relationship he would have to have a
solid faith in the Lord also.

Today, we both still have strong faith in the Lord. It is what helps us
to go through our days. For me, it helps in keeping much of the
loneliness at bay. I know that I can keep Joe in my prayer and that the
Lord will watch over him while he is away on the truck. I know that the
Lord is watching over our family. Not just because of my prayers, but
those of Joe's also.

This past Sunday, we had a wonderful example of that protection from the
Lord. Pookie always walks on my left side out of habit. I am right
handed, so it is easier to hold his hand with my left so that my right
hand is free to do things. After church, I stopped at a fast food store
to get the kids a sandwich before making the 90 mile trip home. When
going back to the jeep after our meal, I had Little Miss climbing into
the back seat. A small pickup truck was parked close beside us with
it's engine turned off. I had to step back with Pookie to allow Little
Miss room to climb into the jeep. Just as she was getting in, I
transferred Pookie's hand into my right so that he was next to the back
bumper of our vehicle. The driver of the pickup started his engine and
quickly began backing out without looking. Their back bumper hit me,
knocking me into the side of my jeep as I moved Pookie further behind
our back bumper to protect him. I slapped the truck repeatedly to get
their attention. The driver stopped for a moment and then continued
backing quickly and drove off. It was a hit & run. Little Miss saw it
happen and was very upset. Pookie went into a meltdown. I had 2 young
children to comfort and so didn't see the license plate of the truck as
it drove away. My first priority was my children's well being. I was
not hurt as badly as our old ram had done years ago, just very sore.
Nothing was broken and it was mainly my left leg that was affected. Not
my stomach or other soft tissue area that I would have to worry about as
much. We went back to the church. The pastor and his wife got ice for
my leg and helped calm the children. It gave me a chance to calm my own
nerves before making the journey back home.

The Lord was watching over us in that experience. Pookie is always on
my left side. Had I not transferred him to my right when I did, he
would have ended up underneath that truck. The Lord's grace was with us
in that I was not badly injured. We were close enough to the church
that I was able to have help both in treating my leg and in seeing to
the children's needs. I am so grateful to the Lord for His divine
intervention in this situation. It could have been so much worse! But
the Lord is good and took care of us. I praise Him for His love and
grace in watching over us.

While I am still sore, I am at peace within. I know that the prayers
for the Lord to help the man who drove that truck will be answered.
That man needs prayer! I can forgive him for what happened, but he
needs to find that place within himself to come to terms with his
reckless behavior. The Lord is good though and I know that His divine
will is going to prevail in this man's life.